Lots of Prayers

Praying has been such an important part of my life and God has always provided and taken care of us in so many ways but right now he is saying the ever famous "WAIT". And I am not a patient person. I have several prayers lately and I know He is not ignoring me but He is telling me to hold on, He has it under control but still it is hard for me to give up that control when I am trying so hard to stay positive and keep the good momentum I had before. 

I am really dragging on my work outs, just making excuses, and I hate when people make excuses so I kicked my own butt today for that. I have cheated too and eaten some McDonalds and Arbys, now I didn't eat near what I would have before but still need to not go there, it is just so easy to grab it with the kids instead of making a mess in the kitchen or eating another microwave low fat meal. But for the most part I am staying on track. 

Right here and now I am promising that I am back on track. God has a plan, I am giving him my worries and my weight loss and I am going to go back to being the positive, happy and SKINNIER person I am now. Thanks to so many of you who tell me that I look good and that you are proud of me, it really really helps. 

Also please pray for Kevin's grandma, she is having surgery to remove the last of the cancer from her body and we all just pray that things go well and that the cancer will be gone for good and she comes through it all feeling much better.

I still feel fat

I have so far to go people. I looked at all the pictures from Christmas and although I am smaller than previous pictures I am still the fat one in all of them. It is motivating, it makes me want to work hard. I feel good at the moment cause I just worked out for almost 2 hours. But I didn't get a work out in this weekend even though it was a gorgeous day on Saturday. I wanted to go jog so badly but we were having a family Christmas so I didn't get to.  Well I need to get some rest, Ruby is sick again so I expect to be up half the night again. Keep me in your prayers, I can't do this alone. Over Christmas I got so many compliments and it made me feel great. I have to keep going and not give up, I need to work harder.

It's a new year!

Hmmm, I wonder what my new year's resolution will be...

My resolution is that next year, for the first time in my adult life, losing weight will not be my new year's resolution. I have to tell the truth, December has been tough and I probably only worked out like 6 times. I was so sick for the first two weeks, with sick kids as well. Then all the prep for Christmas and then Kevin arriving and then all the festivities. And I also admit I ate too much but still a whole lot less than I would have in the past. And I am still off regular pop! Now things have calmed back down. We can finally get a good schedule going. I truly miss jogging though and I am so ready to get back to it, but the weather is not cooperating. I hate cold and it is going to be cold for a while. I really want to do a 5K, that is my other resolution. I am just really afraid of it cause anyone I know who has done it can actually run and I don't run and I think I would be the last one behind tons of people. 

One of my greatest Christmas gifts was my size 12 jeans! Yes size 12, my 14's are now falling down, so it looks like my bad month didn't ruin me. I was doing a dance in the fitting room cause they fit so well! I can't wait to keep going down. I am going to use some Christmas money to buy some more Alli, cause I really think it is helping. I also bought (with Christmas money) a 5-lb weight ball, more (smaller) work out clothes, 2 new dvd's, and we got the Fit TV Channel now so I have all kinds of work outs. You should see my DVR, it has like 15 workouts recorded. I can never get bored again! 

My goals:

lose more weight (duh)

size 8 by this summer!

jog a 5K

jog a 5K in under 40 minutes!

Things I want to do when I am smaller:

buy a cute swimsuit

go to Vegas

ride a mechanical bull

get pictures taken

try on my wedding dress (if I am an 8 than it will be too big!)

I wish you all a very happy and healthy new year. I hope some of you can be inspired like me and just do it, if I can anyone can.

I just can't do it!!

Ok people, I am so sick of feeling like crap! I seriously ache everywhere, I can't breathe out of my nose, my throat is killing me, my ears itch, and my head feels as if it might explode! On top of all that Ruby is sick again, which is miserable for both of us, I started watching Irelynn this week and have to get up at 6 am, so I am exhausted. Once I am finally over this cold or flu or whatever it is I can get back into a rhythm. I didn't work out yesterday, I was going to work out tonight cause Ruby went to sleep at 8:00 but I can hardly move and I can barely keep my eyes open, I am going to bed right after this, then as long as I am feeling better tomorrow I am going to exercise twice, I have to make up for it. I feel so guilty and so fat when I don't work out but I am not quitting, aren't I allowed a break when I am feeling this terrible? I hate this season, not Christmas, I love that, but my family always gets sick now. I can't seem to find a pill that makes the pain go away and I dread trying to get a dr's appt and dragging the kids out in the cold just to run to the doctor and then end up getting told there is nothing they can do for it. Hopefully my parents or in-laws can help me out this weekend and give me a few breaks from the kids. I have decided that I can't just run to walmart with the kids this time of year, it is freezing so we have to get all bundled up, into the car, out of the car, un-bundle ourselves, shop, bundle back up, run through the freezing parking lot, back into the car, into the house and un-bundle again. Way too much work. I plan on doing my shopping when I can get someone to watch them. Ok now I am going to bed, love you all and I hope no one feels as crappy as I do.

Prayers needed!

Thanksgiving went well, I didn't get to work out on Thursday or Friday but I did on Sat and Sunday. I didn't have any desserts, except a taste of my grandma's splenda cherry pie. I know I ate so much less than I would have in the past. I am ready for a busy week of getting stuff done and then I start watching baby Irelynn so I will be starting a new schedule. Pray that I can handle it please. She is a sweet baby but Ruby does get jealous and they both require lots of attention. I have been feeling stressed lately, so please pray for that as well. I am really missing Kevin and feeling overwhelmed at times. I know I am not a single parent but it sure feels like it. The girls keep getting sick, the holidays keep coming faster and faster with so much to do, and I am worried about getting the house sold. I know I just need to give it to God and trust in Him but at times I feel very alone. Please keep up the encouragement and the prayers, I will continue praying for all of you as well. 

Here is Ruby helping me work out the other day, really she is no help at all as Joanna got to see, they both run around and under my legs, but Ruby does try to dance along.

I got to have a night out Saturday night and both my sisters happened to be home so mom got some pictures of us all before we headed out.

Kevin got to come home and visit and he kept commenting on the changes in me, it really felt great and helps me keep going.

I can't give up

I am not planning on giving up but it is getting more difficult to find or make time to work out. I can't get a good sleeping schedule so I feel so tired all the time lately. In a few weeks I will be waking up at 6 am everyday to watch Kevin's cousins baby girl, so I need to start getting to bed early. My plan is to work out before my girls wake up and then again later after the baby leaves, hopefully.

 I did finally get on the scale again and it was down to 185, good, but I was hoping for more. I am beginning to think this is going to take a lot longer than I thought, 33 lbs in about 3 months is about 11 pounds/month. If I can keep up that rate I guess we are talking about reaching my goal by April or May so that isn't too far off. I just am having trouble keeping the momentum, especially with how cold it is getting, I miss my jogs, I wanted to take one yesterday but I was exhausted. 

I am a bit worried about this week, gotta do extra work-outs cause I am going out several times and then Thursday is a terrible diet day. I am not planning on over doing it but you kind of have to. Good thing for me, I am not a huge fan of thanksgiving desserts; pumpkin pie, apple pie etc. So I will keep away from the desserts and Aunt Ruth's sweet tea, maybe I can convince them to make a gallon of Splenda Tea! And I have to take some work out stuff with me, cause I will not skip any more days! I wish you all a Fun thanksgiving, enjoy it, I know I will.

Frustration!

Once again, this is taking too long!!! I had a good day, bought size 14 jeans and size 7 (12/14) undies! But still didn't weigh myself, can't do it, maybe this weekend. I am so frustrated with the belly fat, the rest of my seems to be gating fitter and firmer but my belly and love handles are so gross! I know I had kids but tons of women out there have kids and don't have all this flab, sorry if I am grossing you out. 

I didn't get to work out enough this weekend, what with me being sick and my girls being sick, so I am exhausted.  I did go out for a chilly 2.5 mile jog in the biting cold, it actually felt good, wish I could jog everyday.  My next goal is size 12 by Christmas! When I went to try on jeans today I was able to pull on a size 12 but couldn't get them zipped (because of my DANG BELLY FAT!!!). My ultimate goal was size 10 but I think I will be able to get to an 8 by next summer, can't wait to go swim-suit shopping. It was so nice to go shopping today, I didn't dread it. I didn't have to search for size 18 short (very difficult to find), there are no size 18's in petite and now I can finally buy petite, kind of makes me feel small. This would not be so bad, or so difficult if only I was like 5'4", life would be easier. I could weigh more and be healthy, I could buy average instead of short or petite. Life would just be easier, but that is actually something I can't change so I will learn to love my short comings (hahaha, punny). Ok gonna go sit by the fire and relax.