Prayers needed!

Thanksgiving went well, I didn't get to work out on Thursday or Friday but I did on Sat and Sunday. I didn't have any desserts, except a taste of my grandma's splenda cherry pie. I know I ate so much less than I would have in the past. I am ready for a busy week of getting stuff done and then I start watching baby Irelynn so I will be starting a new schedule. Pray that I can handle it please. She is a sweet baby but Ruby does get jealous and they both require lots of attention. I have been feeling stressed lately, so please pray for that as well. I am really missing Kevin and feeling overwhelmed at times. I know I am not a single parent but it sure feels like it. The girls keep getting sick, the holidays keep coming faster and faster with so much to do, and I am worried about getting the house sold. I know I just need to give it to God and trust in Him but at times I feel very alone. Please keep up the encouragement and the prayers, I will continue praying for all of you as well. 

Here is Ruby helping me work out the other day, really she is no help at all as Joanna got to see, they both run around and under my legs, but Ruby does try to dance along.

I got to have a night out Saturday night and both my sisters happened to be home so mom got some pictures of us all before we headed out.

Kevin got to come home and visit and he kept commenting on the changes in me, it really felt great and helps me keep going.

I can't give up

I am not planning on giving up but it is getting more difficult to find or make time to work out. I can't get a good sleeping schedule so I feel so tired all the time lately. In a few weeks I will be waking up at 6 am everyday to watch Kevin's cousins baby girl, so I need to start getting to bed early. My plan is to work out before my girls wake up and then again later after the baby leaves, hopefully.

 I did finally get on the scale again and it was down to 185, good, but I was hoping for more. I am beginning to think this is going to take a lot longer than I thought, 33 lbs in about 3 months is about 11 pounds/month. If I can keep up that rate I guess we are talking about reaching my goal by April or May so that isn't too far off. I just am having trouble keeping the momentum, especially with how cold it is getting, I miss my jogs, I wanted to take one yesterday but I was exhausted. 

I am a bit worried about this week, gotta do extra work-outs cause I am going out several times and then Thursday is a terrible diet day. I am not planning on over doing it but you kind of have to. Good thing for me, I am not a huge fan of thanksgiving desserts; pumpkin pie, apple pie etc. So I will keep away from the desserts and Aunt Ruth's sweet tea, maybe I can convince them to make a gallon of Splenda Tea! And I have to take some work out stuff with me, cause I will not skip any more days! I wish you all a Fun thanksgiving, enjoy it, I know I will.

Frustration!

Once again, this is taking too long!!! I had a good day, bought size 14 jeans and size 7 (12/14) undies! But still didn't weigh myself, can't do it, maybe this weekend. I am so frustrated with the belly fat, the rest of my seems to be gating fitter and firmer but my belly and love handles are so gross! I know I had kids but tons of women out there have kids and don't have all this flab, sorry if I am grossing you out. 

I didn't get to work out enough this weekend, what with me being sick and my girls being sick, so I am exhausted.  I did go out for a chilly 2.5 mile jog in the biting cold, it actually felt good, wish I could jog everyday.  My next goal is size 12 by Christmas! When I went to try on jeans today I was able to pull on a size 12 but couldn't get them zipped (because of my DANG BELLY FAT!!!). My ultimate goal was size 10 but I think I will be able to get to an 8 by next summer, can't wait to go swim-suit shopping. It was so nice to go shopping today, I didn't dread it. I didn't have to search for size 18 short (very difficult to find), there are no size 18's in petite and now I can finally buy petite, kind of makes me feel small. This would not be so bad, or so difficult if only I was like 5'4", life would be easier. I could weigh more and be healthy, I could buy average instead of short or petite. Life would just be easier, but that is actually something I can't change so I will learn to love my short comings (hahaha, punny). Ok gonna go sit by the fire and relax. 

I love to jog!

Things are going pretty good for now. I finally started back on the Alli today so that should help. I got to go for a jog on Saturday and Sunday while my parents watched the girls. I really enjoy it and I can go much longer without stopping to walk. I can go at least 1.6 miles jogging. I hope to make it so that I can jog 3 miles. I haven't timed myself but that isn't really important to me. I am still doing daily workouts and sometimes I do two workouts a day. I feel like I am not doing enough though. I feel like every chance I have to exercise I should be exercising. 

I can see a difference in my legs, my back, my arms, my face but my problem spot is my baby holder, right there where my girls sat in my belly for 9 months. That lower part under my belly button, it just seems like it will never go away. I have to keep being patient, though I am not a very patient person. I know someday I will look back at this as a much smaller, sexier, healthier woman and realize that I did it and it didn't take so long and I have added years to my life. 

I had a weird phone call today. It was from agency in California that does casting for reality shows and they called cause they wanted to try to get me on the next biggest loser, (I signed up for it online) but after listening for a while I am pretty sure it was some kind of scam. They wanted me to make some kind of portfolio to give to the producers, apparently the people on that show get paid, the contestants. Yeah there is a prize at the end but they make money because the show makes money, and this agency gets 30% of that. They also want upfront money for making a portfolio so I said no thanks, but it was interesting and would have been exciting. Even though hopefully now I am too small for that show. Everyone on it starts out more than 220 and I am not even 200 anymore!!! I am already a big loser!!!! 

Thank you to everyone out there helping me, my family and in-laws for helping me get shoes, and medicine and time to go jogging by myself. Everyone for the prayers and moral support, the positive feed back I get really is helpful and keeps me going. I am not giving up, by next summer I will be have a new body. You wouldn't believe how much I have changed in these past months. I am happier, healthier, confident, strong and I have built an amazing relationship with God. I get so much strength and encouragement from reading my Bible and spending time with God. 

Halloween is bad!

Sorry people, still not getting on the scale. I really need to get some Alli and a good scale, next paycheck I will. I took Emma to the Harvest festival and she brought home a bag filled with candy, not a good thing. I haven't touched it, but I sure have been tempted. I just have to remind myself that it totally throws away my hard work all for just one peanut butter cup, not worth it. Although I am wondering how a life without peanut butter cups can be a good life. Maybe when I am skinny and healthy I can have one once in a while. I do have a fun size 3 Musketeer once in a while cause they are only 64 cal and 2 grams of fat, so they aren't gonna ruin my progress.  So on Halloween I am only going to take Emma to a few houses so she doesn't get much more candy. 

I wonder if I will ever stop aching? I work out everyday and still most days I wake up sore, I think of it as a good thing, I think. I am still watching the biggest loser and it gives lots of good tips but it is frustrating to watch them lose 5-7 pounds a week. I know that isn't the way that is healthy for me, and I don't have personal trainers, and hours to spend at the gym, or even a gym, or the perfect food available at all times. I guess slow and steady wins the race. 

I think I have changed my goals though. I want to be a healthy BMI (even though it is cruel and mean to short people!). I need to weigh 125, my new goal, so that would put me at 100 pounds. That depresses me, that I ever got to the point that I could lose 100 pounds but I have to remember that I had a lot working against me and I am now ready to move on and continue my healthy life-style. Yesterday I went for a jog and actually jogged, non-stop, didn't walk at all. It was only 1.69 miles but I was proud of myself. I found a good website for mapping my routes too. Well keep up the thoughts and prayers. I am still going strong, never giving up.

Feeling Defeated

I know, I know, I keep trying to tell myself that it takes time but it is so frustrating. I am disgusted with my body. I know the devil is trying to bring me down and I really am trying to not let him in any part of my life. I am not quitting, not in any way. I am keeping up with my new way of eating and I had two great days this weekend that I got to go on nice jogs and I did jog more than ever before. If I could I would work out all day.  I am getting so good at fighting temptation. Saturday I wanted to go grab some fast food but instead I had a luna bar and today on the way home from my parents I just wanted to pull into a drive through but I resisted and came home and had a Lean Cuisine meal. I looked back at some pictures from this summer and I can see that I have changed but I am still having to see myself in the mirror everyday. I wish I could go into more here but I have to save something for my therapist. I guess I just have to make a decision to think better about myself. I am working hard and people are noticing that I am changing. 

Once again I did not get on the scale, maybe next week. I just didn't want to see if there was no change from my exciting time on the scale last week. I need to get myself a digital scale, those are recommended. I also really need to get back on Alli (I went through the bottle my parents got me) but I have been putting it off cause it is so expensive. But I really do think it helped me lose more weight than I could have on my own. And to those of you that have heard the rumors of the terrible side effects, no it doesn't make you poop in your pants or almost have accidents. 

Well please keep me in your prayers. 

Here is my prayer through this time in my life, hopefully it will help some of you like it has helped me;"Don't fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God's wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It's wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life." Philippians 4:6-7 (The Message)

Drum roll please.......

Well I did it, over and over, I got on the scale and then kept getting on and off to make sure it was right. I am 194! That is down 15 from the last time I got on the scale a month ago. I hate being excited about weighing this much but it has been a while since I was under 200. So since I had Ruby and I was at 218 that is almost 25 pounds so far. I should get a scale for at home and one that is easier to read than my parents cause I could weigh less it is hard to tell.

 I realized soon after that how far I have to go but then on "The Biggest Loser" they said something that really helped me. They went to the grand canyon and as they stood in awe of it they were reminded that this beautiful scenic view was not created in a day, it took a long time for the river to carve out that huge deep canyon, so just like with me, it won't happen in a day, good things take time. I also went to walmart and tried on a pair of size 14 jeans, they fit, OK they were tight but I would have never been able to pull them up let alone button them just a month ago. I will wait on buying them though, I do, however, need a good belt. I went in to Olathe this weekend and while my in-laws watched the girls I went and did a 4 mile jog/walk. I jogged a lot more than I have ever done, I know that I jogged at more than 2 miles of my trip. I wish I could do that more often but it is impossible with kids so I just get to enjoy it on weekends. Well keep up the prayers and encouragement. I am so energized by this, so ready to keep going, see how I just needed to see those results, it really helps.