too much on my mind...

First of all, HELP, can't figure this thing out, Ruby is terrible to get to bed lately. Some days I really feel like the worst mom ever. She isn't bad, she just won't go to bed!

In other news, it is spring break, nice to not have to get up and be ready for work but have to find ways to entertain the girls. It wasn't that long ago that I was a stay at home mom, for some reason though I don't remember how to do it. I miss work! Nice to be able to hit the gym in the morning but otherwise the girls just keep bugging me asking if we are gonna do anything fun.

I decided to wait on eharmony, just decided to sit back and relax and be content in my single life. Just going to enjoy time with my family and friends, enjoy getting more involved at my new church and the new friends I am finding there. I guess I was just a "we" for so long, since I was 17, that I had to just figure out how to be just "me". I know for sure that I am happier now, in the place that I am, then those last years of my marriage, those years when I was miserable with myself and so miserable in my marriage. I can't believe the person that I used to be and the person that I am now. This new me is someone I had no idea that I could be. I used to get walked on and cared way too much what people thought of me and what people did to me. I am a much stronger person, confident, nothing touches me anymore and I can stand up for myself. After all that I went through NO one can hurt me again. Sure I can have a few moments of that feeling of, "dang it that was upsetting and a really crappy day" but then I have moved on. Only I can choose what people do to me and how it effects my life.

There are hard days when I see way too many couples or read things on facebook about how much so and so loves his or her spouse that I get that longing but I know what I am waiting for and I know that it is truly worth waiting for, anything that has come along so far has been just a stepping stone to help me learn and to realize what it is I want and deserve. This new strong, beautiful and amazing woman deserves all that and more. Sorry if I sound cocky but I am finally in a place in my life where I know who I am and I went through so much to get here. I deserve to one day have a guy that adores me, lifts me up, adores my girls, shares my passion and convictions and realizes that he has the best thing that has ever happened in his life. And I too have learned how to be a great partner, I love with all of me and I have learned so much from the past and I will find someone who will walk through this life with me. I may not find him till my kids are grown, I may find him sooner, but I will not settle. God has a plan, I trust that and I have a happy heart. Ok, that felt good to get out in writing. More to come!