I am worried

I tend to be quite a worrier. More than anything I do not want to step on the scale tomorrow but I need to. I just feel like it is going to say nothing or 2 or 3 pounds. I will be devastated. I am working so hard, doing everything right. It has been more than a month since I was on a scale and I am so worried, that is what made me crash and burn in the past. Back in California when Emma was 2, I started working out with a friend, we went to the gym every evening and I was watching what I ate (not as strictly as I am now) and she just kept losing and losing and the most I lost was 2 or 3 pounds. I just gave up, it seemed pointless, I went to a dietitian, whom I had a bit of trouble trusting seeing that she was as big as me, and all she talked about was the stupid chicken portion the size of a deck of cards and all that bull. I have had my thyroid checked and I am taking my meds, if this isn't working then I am just at a loss. I don't want to give up, I feel good, and my clothes fit differently, most are too big. I will not give up but what am I supposed to do. I guess I need to stop worrying till I get on the scale but tomorrow you will either hear from a very happy person (more than 5 lbs) or a pathetic fat lump who just can't do it no matter how hard I try. 

I just sat on the couch tonight looking at my fat legs and thinking that nothing is happening and I just don't see it ever changing. I so badly want to be smaller, I want to love my body, not be disgusted by it. The hardest thing is how easily I got this way, thanks to my lack of exercise, my genetics, my thyroid working against me, my up and down diet I am 200+ pounds and it isn't like all I do is sit around eating ice cream and chocolate. Some people totally understand me and what I am dealing with and then there are some that will never know what this is like, even when I get to my goal weight of 140 according to my BMI I will still be overweight, I can't be "normal" weight unless I weigh 125, I haven't weighed that since I was a teenager. And 125 is at the high end of the BMI for my height. I am just overwhelmed at the moment, please keep my in your prayers. Right now I am feeling like I can't do it, it will never happen. I am not quitting but I am just so scared, I know this could take longer than I wanted but it just isn't fair, to work so hard and not see the results. OK I need to go to sleep and try to not worry anymore.