exciting but depressing...

So I have a before and after and I am totally embarrassed by how I used to look. I am so proud of how far I have come. The before pics were taken April '08 and the after shots June '09. I really hate that I was so big, it is hard to look at. I think that that was my biggest, besides being pregnant with Ruby (even bigger then) these are the photos that helped make me realize that I had to finally do this. I am so glad to be at the after part with the finish line just in sight. 

Before

After!

So happy!

Thanks so much for everyone's support and love and encouragement. I am still going and never quitting, I love my new life-style and you just wait in a few months people may have to call me "Tiny"! Only about 20 pounds to go, yeah at first I said 145 and I am only a few pounds from there but after all I have done I know I can get to 130 and who knows, maybe more. But I am happy now, healthy and loving life. God is good.

Here are two more! 4th of July '08 and then 4th of July '09, can't believe I used to look like that! Gonna be even smaller soon!!!

I finally did it again!

I got on the scale!!! I was so scared that it would be a disappointing number but it was 151! Down from 168!!! I am so happy, my goal is within eyesight and I have come so far. My BMI was over 43 and now it is 29! I am so happy and healthy and alive. Now I am off to Vegas and couldn't be more excited! I will write more when I get back!

Time to update

Life has been totally stressful lately. I did do two more 5K's and I loved it! I got my time better on both, even got down to 31:30 for the mother's day 5K! I was excited. Still haven't weighed but I will soon. I am totally stressed about the house and about my situation with my marriage. I am really trying to just give it to God cause stress does not go well with my new life changes. I really am ok and I have some great days. I still love how amazing I feel now that I am active and fit. I really try to get out and jog as often as possible, I really want to get my time better and be under 30 minutes for my next 5K, probably Sept. 5. 

I am so excited for my vacation coming up, that will help my stress level a lot. I am going to vegas courtesy of my parents (a plane ticket) and my cousins Liz, Melissa, and Aimee and Aunt Karen (a room at mandalay bay with them). I am so excited to go and relax and enjoy adult time. I am trying to lose a few more pounds so I can look great in my swimsuit I just got, there is a beach at this hotel and I can't wait to lay out and have a yummy drink! 

Please keep my family in your prayers, I haven't openly really talked about it much but I am getting a divorce and my heart is broken but thankfully I am a new and more amazing person so I am handling it so much better than I ever could have in the past. My girls are the main thing now in my life and with God at the wheel we are off on a new adventure and I totally trust that God knows where we are going cause right now I am lost. Just pray please. Love you all!

I did it!

I ran my first 5K and I feel really good about it. I didn't come in last and there were tons of people slower than me. I did it in a little over 35 minutes, which I think is great for my first time, I thought it would be 40 or more. My next one is in 2 weeks and it will have a lot more hills so I don't know if my time will improve or not. I wish I could train everyday but it is difficult cause pulling a wagon or pushing a stroller makes things difficult.
I haven't gotten on the scale in a while, I said I would at easter but I just am not ready. I hate to be disappointed. The scale has always been a source of disappointment in my life before now but it still scares me. I just keep enjoying the fact that I need smaller clothes and I feel great.
I realized the other day that I wasn't going to reach my goal, which at this current moment I don't remember, I will have to go back and look. But I am so happy with my progress and since it is now my life-style then I will just continue to lose and eventually get to the place I want. I had such a great moment the other day, it may sound totally trashy but it really made my week! I was walking into a store that is right on sante fe (payless shoes) and it is right by a red light and as I was walking it I heard a loud whistle and someone yelled "Sexy!", it could have been a very trashy guy but I didn't look or care, I just kept strutting my stuff! Well I will let you know if I ever get on the scale and I will update you on my running progress.

new goals, get back on track

Well there is so much going on in my life right now that I really can't go into just yet. But I have been stressed and feeling depressed lately and have been slacking on work outs. I got a really good long work-out at the gym on Saturday and it felt great. It really is a release, just wish I could get out running more often. I am looking forward to a few upcoming 5K's that I am doing. 

I am determined to get back on track but stressing about selling the house and getting moved is weighing me down. I just want to be moved on to the next step in my life but I do have a greater determination than before. I will be skinny, sexy and healthy and happy. Please pray for my strength and for my life. I know I will survive, it is just hard to see the sunshine through the rain. I had fun dress shopping with my mom, for the first time we could try on the same clothes and after a near laughing asthma attack in the dressing rooms, I found a great dress, my mom is easily amused. I tried on a few size 10 dresses and they would look great with a little bit more toning, or some good slimming undergarments! Well keep my family in your prayers and I will let you all know how this week goes.

Thank you!

I just needed to put a note in here to say thank you so much to everyone for all he amazing support. I promise I couldn't have done it without you. All the words of encouragement, the comments, the emails, I am so lucky to have such an awesome support system. I especially need to thank my parents and Kevin's parents. They have done so much, their encouragement and motivational gifts and help have really gotten me to this point. They have done so much. Great new running shoes, my Alli medicine, new clothes for my new smaller body, getting to use the Kolenda's gym, it is awesome, thank you mom and dad and Bob and Cindy. 

I am a little apprehensive about some upcoming runs that I want to do. I want to do the Trolley run in April and I am doing a 5K on Mother's day, yikes. I wish I had more opportunity to go running but with the girls and this up and down weather it just doesn't work. I will just keep up with my work-outs and keep getting more fit.

My next thing I need to do is go to the doctor. I haven't been since I started my wright loss and I would like to talk to them about a few things, maybe have them send me to a sports medicine place. I need to talk about the problem with my belly fat, and about my knee hurting during certain exercises and my heel hurting. I am not making excuses or anything, I am not quitting or holding back any but these are things I just want to make sure that I am not causing long term damage. I am not worried about seeing a dietitian, I think I have my diet under control but I need to talk to someone about all the rest of it. 

Thank you all again, I have the most amazing family and friends, I love you all! Keep up the support, keep up the motivation, don't let me quit! Oh yeah! My mom gave me a pair of size 10 jeans of hers that were too short, THEY FIT!!! 

I got on the scale....

So I finally did it. I got down to 168! That is 50 lbs., I truly never thought I could do this, but now that I have come this far I am motivated and know that I can do anything. My size 12 pants are all very lose and I am close to getting to 10, I will be so happy and satisfied with size 8, that would get me back to the size I was in high school! I haven't been this size since my first year of marriage! I am using a lot of exclamations! But I am very happy!
I did it, I changed my life, I finally figured it out and even though I have farther to go, I know that I will get there. About 40 more pounds and I reach my goal and get to continue living a happier, healthier life. I am so excited that I am finally one of those kind of people who are in to fitness and exercise. I am going to keep it up forever, it is amazing to feel this way. I have so much energy, I get so much more done during the day and I have a great (though useless at the moment) sex drive (sorry again family). I don't miss regular soda and I haven't had a real pizza (just lean cuisine, kind) since I started this, I used to go to godfather's buffet and eat my whole days worth of calories or more. I didn't need stupid Dr. Phil's plan, or Jenny Craig or any of those, I didn't even need a gym! I just changed the way I eat and live and I am never going back. I hope this inspires others, cause if I can do it, seriously, ANYONE can do it.
My biggest downer on this whole thing is that now cause of my weight loss I have the dreaded useless hanging skin that I can't do anything about, when all is said and done I will go get a consultation for plastic surgery. I will desperately need a tummy tuck, and I don't think it is vain at all, it is necessary and what it would take to make this whole process worth while. I know with clothes on I will look great but I will still have to look in the mirror and feel disappointed. After all this hard work I want to just feel amazing not gross, and the vain side of me would like a boob lift too! OK people, keep up the comments and the support, I couldn't have done it without you!