A Long Journey ahead

So lately music has really been my release. I listen to it all the time and get so much inspiration from it. I especially love running to music. There are some songs that really just get me going and keep me motivated. What I have learned the most lately is that life takes time. I really am just going to have to become a more patient person. Hard for me though, I am the kind of person who wants things planned and now I have to let that go. There is no plan, just live day to day and trust that God will keep showing me the way. I have everything going for me so I just have to realize that I am where I am supposed to be right now and I don't have to worry about a few years down the road, tomorrow is enough to plan and deal with. 

Update: Weight loss is mostly maintaining right now. I feel amazing and haven't quit anything. I still eat right and exercise when I can, not as much as I would like, life has been pretty busy, but no excuses. I did buy my first size 8 jeans! I was dancing in the dressing room. I did see a doctor about a tummy tuck or technically an abdomnioplasty. He said it is the only way to solve my problem of the extra skin, it will never firm up or go away and will only get worse the more I lose (yeah! good news day (sarcasm)). So he gave me an idea of the cost and it comes almost to $7000! Yeah so doesn't seem like something that I will ever get. It's a dream, maybe one day. I did another 5K today, loved it and can't wait to do more. I love spending time with the whole Kolenda family. And praise God for a good doctor appt for Kevin's grandma. 

Things are coming along everywhere, house is in contract, waiting to hear from the bank. Kevin and I signed papers and things are finally moving on and we are getting along. I start my job this week and am so excited and stressed at the same time, gonna be hard work but it will keep me busy and help make time go by. One day it will get easier but I love where I work and the people I work with. Ok well I have gone on and on and really should stop now. Thanks for listening and caring and praying, don't stop. Love you all.

Back on Track

So I have not gained any weight but I don't really think I have lost much in the past month so here I go again, back on track. I started up the Alli again (thanks to my Marcia!). I am getting in my daily workouts, making it a priority. It is going to get more and more difficult to be doing all this with all that is coming up in my life. Packing, selling everything, moving, starting a job, all that there is to do is a bit overwhelming but I have so much support and help, amazing family and awesome friends. I would not be able to do this without all the great people in my life, everyone who has been available to me for words of advice, encouragement, or just to listen and be understanding. This whole part of my life has been and continues to be more difficult than so many can even imagine but I have to keep up my new outlook. I became a confident, beautiful and strong woman in the past year and that is what is getting me through this. 

I have so many fears and worries but I have learned to give those to God cause otherwise I would be weighed down by it all. I pray for so many things that sometimes I feel like I am asking too much. God help me find the right job, help me to keep up my weight loss, help me to be a good mom even when I don't know how to make it through another day with these strong willed children, help me not to get too stressed about the house selling and all the paperwork involved with divorce, help the hurt to stop and help me to not feel so lonely and unloved. But on the other hand I need to praise God.

Thank You for amazing parents who are doing so much more for me than anyone deserves, thank You for awesome extended family who pray for me and are there to talk or help when they can, thank You for keeping me strong when I feel like breaking, thank You for friends who are there for me, mostly God thank You so much for my beautiful little strong willed girls who help me see beauty and are the reason I wake up everyday, they are worth everything that I have been through and I hope I am the best mom I can be through everything. I want them to look up to me and I know that I can't protect them from everything but I just pray they see my strength and faith and my struggle and learn to be strong women too.

exciting but depressing...

So I have a before and after and I am totally embarrassed by how I used to look. I am so proud of how far I have come. The before pics were taken April '08 and the after shots June '09. I really hate that I was so big, it is hard to look at. I think that that was my biggest, besides being pregnant with Ruby (even bigger then) these are the photos that helped make me realize that I had to finally do this. I am so glad to be at the after part with the finish line just in sight. 

Before

After!

So happy!

Thanks so much for everyone's support and love and encouragement. I am still going and never quitting, I love my new life-style and you just wait in a few months people may have to call me "Tiny"! Only about 20 pounds to go, yeah at first I said 145 and I am only a few pounds from there but after all I have done I know I can get to 130 and who knows, maybe more. But I am happy now, healthy and loving life. God is good.

Here are two more! 4th of July '08 and then 4th of July '09, can't believe I used to look like that! Gonna be even smaller soon!!!

I finally did it again!

I got on the scale!!! I was so scared that it would be a disappointing number but it was 151! Down from 168!!! I am so happy, my goal is within eyesight and I have come so far. My BMI was over 43 and now it is 29! I am so happy and healthy and alive. Now I am off to Vegas and couldn't be more excited! I will write more when I get back!

Time to update

Life has been totally stressful lately. I did do two more 5K's and I loved it! I got my time better on both, even got down to 31:30 for the mother's day 5K! I was excited. Still haven't weighed but I will soon. I am totally stressed about the house and about my situation with my marriage. I am really trying to just give it to God cause stress does not go well with my new life changes. I really am ok and I have some great days. I still love how amazing I feel now that I am active and fit. I really try to get out and jog as often as possible, I really want to get my time better and be under 30 minutes for my next 5K, probably Sept. 5. 

I am so excited for my vacation coming up, that will help my stress level a lot. I am going to vegas courtesy of my parents (a plane ticket) and my cousins Liz, Melissa, and Aimee and Aunt Karen (a room at mandalay bay with them). I am so excited to go and relax and enjoy adult time. I am trying to lose a few more pounds so I can look great in my swimsuit I just got, there is a beach at this hotel and I can't wait to lay out and have a yummy drink! 

Please keep my family in your prayers, I haven't openly really talked about it much but I am getting a divorce and my heart is broken but thankfully I am a new and more amazing person so I am handling it so much better than I ever could have in the past. My girls are the main thing now in my life and with God at the wheel we are off on a new adventure and I totally trust that God knows where we are going cause right now I am lost. Just pray please. Love you all!

I did it!

I ran my first 5K and I feel really good about it. I didn't come in last and there were tons of people slower than me. I did it in a little over 35 minutes, which I think is great for my first time, I thought it would be 40 or more. My next one is in 2 weeks and it will have a lot more hills so I don't know if my time will improve or not. I wish I could train everyday but it is difficult cause pulling a wagon or pushing a stroller makes things difficult.
I haven't gotten on the scale in a while, I said I would at easter but I just am not ready. I hate to be disappointed. The scale has always been a source of disappointment in my life before now but it still scares me. I just keep enjoying the fact that I need smaller clothes and I feel great.
I realized the other day that I wasn't going to reach my goal, which at this current moment I don't remember, I will have to go back and look. But I am so happy with my progress and since it is now my life-style then I will just continue to lose and eventually get to the place I want. I had such a great moment the other day, it may sound totally trashy but it really made my week! I was walking into a store that is right on sante fe (payless shoes) and it is right by a red light and as I was walking it I heard a loud whistle and someone yelled "Sexy!", it could have been a very trashy guy but I didn't look or care, I just kept strutting my stuff! Well I will let you know if I ever get on the scale and I will update you on my running progress.

new goals, get back on track

Well there is so much going on in my life right now that I really can't go into just yet. But I have been stressed and feeling depressed lately and have been slacking on work outs. I got a really good long work-out at the gym on Saturday and it felt great. It really is a release, just wish I could get out running more often. I am looking forward to a few upcoming 5K's that I am doing. 

I am determined to get back on track but stressing about selling the house and getting moved is weighing me down. I just want to be moved on to the next step in my life but I do have a greater determination than before. I will be skinny, sexy and healthy and happy. Please pray for my strength and for my life. I know I will survive, it is just hard to see the sunshine through the rain. I had fun dress shopping with my mom, for the first time we could try on the same clothes and after a near laughing asthma attack in the dressing rooms, I found a great dress, my mom is easily amused. I tried on a few size 10 dresses and they would look great with a little bit more toning, or some good slimming undergarments! Well keep my family in your prayers and I will let you all know how this week goes.