So far, not so good

Not feeling so hot tonight, feeling a bit sore though. I am still deathly afraid of the scale I have a feeling I am at least back to 150 but not gonna get on the scale and make it any worse. I know I can do this but its getting to that point when you see results that is hard to do. I am loving my gym membership, love the gym, love the kids club, the girls love the kids club and I love having the wonderful time to myself. I am even thinking that on my day off from the gym I will still go and just read and pedal on the stationary bike then soak in the hot tub. I have an appointment this week with a trainer so that will be good, get a planned work out for while I am at the gym.

I also decided to take this last bottle of alli that I have, just for the boost to get me to that final place that I want to get to.

Here is why I am not feeling so good. I have worked so hard, and done so well but still disappointed, not sure if it will get better once I get down to this new goal. And this problem is just with myself, I think I can look pretty good in clothes, its when i see myself without, it is just depressing. I look like a deflated balloon, the skin around my belly is terrible and I can try and try and nothing will change it except for a surgery I could never afford. I know it is my fault, partially, someone else had something to do with the two kids that grew in that belly causing it to stretch so much. But I was the one who stayed big and didn't get the weight off after each kid, just kept packing it on. That is what I don't get about these people on the biggest loser, do they just hide it really well or do they get a free surgery before the finale? Cause I have only lost 70 something and have skin issues, most of them lose 100, sometimes 200 pounds.

It is truly something that really bothers me, no pants ever fit right, the can fit in the legs, the butt but never right in the belly area cause of my skin pooch. Sorry if this is tmi for some of you but I am just frustrated, don't feel sexy at all, can never look good in a swimsuit and makes me feel like all this hard work just lead to a whole new problem. I am not quitting or giving up, we shall see how things go as I lose more and I plan to ask the trainer for specific tips on toning and hopefully I can work on it some. Wish me luck!