More Observations...

So far I am still going strong. The gym has been such a blessing. I feel like a totally new person, so much energy, less stress and the girls love it there and they are loved there. The girls that work there love them and Ruby and Emma don't even want to leave, hope they don't grow tired of it.

OK, now for some more of my thoughts on the gym. The worst thing is that I go at 4:00 right before dinner, there are like 12 different TVs hanging in front of the elliptical and treadmills and when you are hungry and working out and watching a commercial for fast food, it is just cruel and mean. Thankfully I am have been being good about eating at home but those commercials sure know how to make a person want that fast food really badly, the gym should find a way to block those commercials. I even noticed one tuned into the food network and Paula Dean was on, that is just not right!

There are so many wannabes there too. Not sure what most of them are trying to be but they are not what they think that they are, does that make sense? The chubby guy with a gut walking around all confident with his arms puffed out like he is some kind of muscle man. The older lady with her tank top tucked into her way too short shorts acting like she owns the place. Several different guys that keep some kind of gold necklace on while working out, now that one, can't figure it out. Tacky first off, second stupid, third sad, someone should tell them.

I have yet to go to the gym and not run into or at least see someone that I know, mostly people I haven't seen in years. And very random too. Seriously it has been every time that I have gone. And some you talk to, depending on where you see them, if either of you are in the middle of something then you just give the little wave or head nod. Sometimes you will say "Hey" and once in a while have a minute to catch up. There are those that I have seen that I know and I really hope that they just don't recognize me cause they don't even acknowledge me, maybe they didn't see me, won't mention any names, not that he would read this. Anyway, that is all for now.

Still scared to death of that scale. I know I said I would do it at the end of the month but I still am just so scared. I really need to get on some kind of health insurance. I have been off my thyroid medicine for more than a year now and I really think it has screwed things up with my metabolism, need to get back on that. Oh yeah, one thing I HATE about the gym, the mirrors! Why? Why so many mirrors, hate watching myself, never felt so fat as when I watch all my problem areas jiggle as I work! I try to go where there are none but they are everywhere! OK enough, done for now. Thanks to those of you still reading and commenting, love you all!

The Gym

A perfect place for a people watcher like myself is the gym. It is just so interesting to watch people in their different capacities and different ranges of fitness, or lack there of. Going to start off with the obvious, the gym rat. The male version is a guy with bulging, glistening muscles, who knows how to work each machine and spends most of his time looking in the mirror as he lifts weights and watches his muscles bulge. The girl version is that tiny little perfect looking woman from 18-40 (but never looks close to 40 thanks to so much tanning and gym time) They have on their tight spandex workout top and tight but flattering only on them shorts or carpi's. They spend their time being stared at and talking to others of their rank as they make everything in the gym look easy to do.

Muscle heads are quite a bit like the gym rat but they are so much more fun, they think they are hot and are there to be watched. They think that as they add one more of those clinking weights to the bar that they are impressing the people around them, guys and girls alike. They move that little key in the machine to the heaviest weight available and then strain and sweat as they do 10 reps, there are a few that are so obvious that they do more or try harder when a girl is around. I have only seen two women in this genre, thankfully.

Then there are the talkers, the people that come to the gym together or meet there to get on an elliptical or any other such machine and go on and on, hardly breaking a sweat. This is guys and girls alike, guys more stand around in groups and talk taking up space. And many of this people take the full amount of time on these machines, making life very annoying for others.

I think I fall into this next group but I hope that I don't. The new people, people who have very little to no gym experience. You often first see these people reading the instructions on a machine or going through a personal training session to learn how everything works. Most are either somewhat overweight or very overweight, some know how to dress correctly and then some have no idea what they are doing. They don't last very long on the elliptical or treadmill either (I know I didn't at first). But have to give them props for being there and doing what they can. This category also includes the new year years resolutioners who promised themselves that they would go to the gym from then on out, they will taper off over the next few months, but not me!

Some of the groups are much smaller, the old people, this is self explanatory. Some of the old people are impressive and I hope to be like them one day, then there are some the make you go "Hmmmmm". The weird little old man in jeans on the elliptical next to me, "hmmmm". The teenagers are just obnoxious, well to me anyway, taking up space and this group at certain times it not small, they take over the locker room and the machines. There are teams from Olathe schools that get to go work out at certain times and then a few teenagers that come and act like they are cool, wonder what the age and rules are regarding them.

The locker room is a whole different world, feels like back to high school, searching for an open locker and space for yourself. There are the people not worried at all about changing clothes and then there are the people who go in a bathroom stall to change, really, we are not looking, well I know I am not. There are the girls that primp before going out to work out, I have even seen some re-applying makeup before their workout, what are they really there for? Ok that is all I have for now but I will keep observing.

So far, not so good

Not feeling so hot tonight, feeling a bit sore though. I am still deathly afraid of the scale I have a feeling I am at least back to 150 but not gonna get on the scale and make it any worse. I know I can do this but its getting to that point when you see results that is hard to do. I am loving my gym membership, love the gym, love the kids club, the girls love the kids club and I love having the wonderful time to myself. I am even thinking that on my day off from the gym I will still go and just read and pedal on the stationary bike then soak in the hot tub. I have an appointment this week with a trainer so that will be good, get a planned work out for while I am at the gym.

I also decided to take this last bottle of alli that I have, just for the boost to get me to that final place that I want to get to.

Here is why I am not feeling so good. I have worked so hard, and done so well but still disappointed, not sure if it will get better once I get down to this new goal. And this problem is just with myself, I think I can look pretty good in clothes, its when i see myself without, it is just depressing. I look like a deflated balloon, the skin around my belly is terrible and I can try and try and nothing will change it except for a surgery I could never afford. I know it is my fault, partially, someone else had something to do with the two kids that grew in that belly causing it to stretch so much. But I was the one who stayed big and didn't get the weight off after each kid, just kept packing it on. That is what I don't get about these people on the biggest loser, do they just hide it really well or do they get a free surgery before the finale? Cause I have only lost 70 something and have skin issues, most of them lose 100, sometimes 200 pounds.

It is truly something that really bothers me, no pants ever fit right, the can fit in the legs, the butt but never right in the belly area cause of my skin pooch. Sorry if this is tmi for some of you but I am just frustrated, don't feel sexy at all, can never look good in a swimsuit and makes me feel like all this hard work just lead to a whole new problem. I am not quitting or giving up, we shall see how things go as I lose more and I plan to ask the trainer for specific tips on toning and hopefully I can work on it some. Wish me luck!

Happy New Year!

Ok here we go again, so back on track! A new year, don't really feel any different but it is a good time to start things and make goals. After the last year I had I plan to make this one a truly great one, nothing to lose and so much to gain. Well 25 or so things to lose, I take it back. I am not sure of my current weight though thanks to my beautiful sister Molly I now have a scale at home, and a nice scale at that. I am not quite ready to get on it cause I am positive that I have gained some weight this past month, so sorry I am not getting on the scale till the end of January, I promise I will then.

My goal is to go back to American Eagle or gap and fit into the size 8 jeans there, and fit into them to the point they are not tight, you know, that perfect fit, no muffin top etc. I want to get in the 120's, so 129 will make me SO happy! So I am thinking that is 20-25 lbs away. So if I lose 2-3 pounds per week I want to reach this goal by the end of March! So here we go again, I need all the prayers and comments and support that you all were so great with to help me get to this point.

Here is my progress for now though. August 2008 I started this process at around 218 down from having Ruby. My biggest jeans were a size 20 but I mostly wore 18's. I couldn't run to save my life, never ran a mile, hardly walked one. Took me like 14 minutes to walk/jog a mile. Had so much pain in my knees and was miserable. Now I got down to 140's (not sure of the current weight) mostly wear a size 10 (though at walmart an 8, but no where else). I have run 4 5K races in 35 minutes or less, one in 30.5 minutes! I love running and exercise, no more pain in my knees and I am truly happy and healthy.

Now I will get down to 129 and there is nothing holding me back, I have everything that I need to obtain my goal. The hardest thing though is 129 is still in the overweight category on the BMI scale, so frustrating, so I think I just may keep going to get to 125. In fact I just made that my new goal, 130 by March, 125 by April, hot sexy summer body by this summer. I know I can do it and I know that I have the right attitude, the tools I need and the support that has gotten me to this point. I also got a gym membership for Christmas (thank you so much mom and dad). 24 hour fitness is gonna be sick of seeing me this year!

I also am thrilled to see some friends losing weight too, they look so great and I am so excited for them cause I know exactly how they feel, way to go Nicole and Jayma and Kristy you will always be an inspiration though at times I get sick of how awesome you are, my sexy size 4 friend, thanks for being one of my biggest supporters and cheerleaders and for loving me even when I was big and unhappy. Good luck to my fellow losers! This is gonna be the best year ever!